well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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