My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
