i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
