i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
