She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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