Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
