I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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