im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
