I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
