I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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