I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
