You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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