So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
