you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
