well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
