you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
