Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
