Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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