mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The adults are the big ones right?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
