my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
