I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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