My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize