Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
