Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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