his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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