my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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