I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
