You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
