When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
