well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
