I have demons in me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
