turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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