Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
