I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
why is half of my head shaved?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
