I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
