This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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