P.S. I can't hear my feet
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
