Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize