Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
