and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
