Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
