fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
