Moan for me like Helen Keller
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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