if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
