we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
