Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
