her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You pole danced in your parka.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
