So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize