It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
and you fell through a lawn chair
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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