that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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