if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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