He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
