i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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