Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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