I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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