none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
