Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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