ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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