I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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