ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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