I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
