Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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