This is not my ceiling
are you so shy because you have an std?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
