why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
