question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
