i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
