Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
