listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
