trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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