i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
