Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
