We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
